Chapter 9: Our Shaky Foundations

Overview

Considering the picture being painted in this book, you may well be feeling a little insecure . After all, we have suggested that not only do your insecurities stem from intangible meta-level judgments , but so do you. We have said that your sense of self is a fabrication. Here you are trying to get a grip on the insecurities that make you one of the six types discussed in this book, and now you re being told that your sense of who you are rests on shaky foundations.

But fear not. After we finish exposing the sense of self for what it is, we will, in Part III of this book, rebuild. You will learn much more about how the shakiness of consciousness can empower you and help you find peace . We just have a little way to go before getting there.

Let s revisit the six types in the context of insecurity and fear:

1. Judith is a textbook worrier. When things happen on the job or at home that seem to come at her out of the blue, she goes into worry mode. She gets very anxious, to the point where she becomes a bit of a nuisance to those around her. When she worries, her angst looks her square in the eye and makes her squirm . Judith does not have to look far to see the shakiness of her foundations. She can see it in her own face.

2. Robbie is a controlling personality. He needs to get his way. He manipulates. He pushes. He forcefully steers people to do what he wants. If they go off course, he becomes all the more intense . For Robbie, being out of control would mean facing his deepest fear. His operating principle is that if he doesn t keep things together, they ”he ”will fall apart into some abyss.

3. Catherine is full of a sense of self-importance. People call her a fake , though, because to them she clearly does not qualify for the image she is so busy projecting . She behaves as if she is part of the intellectual elite and is one of those high-potential managers in the eyes of her company s executive team. But those around her see her as simply very political ”all sizzle, no steak. Catherine does not seem to be in touch with who she really is. Behind her facade is a woman who is frightened. She feels insecure. She works very, very hard at moving away from that feeling. She is not in touch with that insecurity, but it drives her most of the time. Although it has made her what she is today, it also holds her back from finding peace within herself.

4. Ruth is an attention-seeker . She is always busy waving a personal flag so that people take notice of her in the crowd . She wants them to see that she is somehow different from the rest. Her effort to get their attention is a very deep, sincere craving to fill a gap. Her greatest fear is that she is not worth being seen at all. It makes her feel very insecure. She relies on other people to make her feel okay.

5. Bob, a victim , is busy defending himself from culpability. When he is involved in something that goes wrong, he quickly mounts a campaign ”large or small ”to establish his innocence. At the core he is fearful of taking blame because, to him, owning failure smells a lot like admitting to being nothing.

6. Wayne is a prisoner of his anxieties. He feels terrible when people are angry at him. He equates being the object of wrath with being absolutely unlovable. His fear is that he is not worthy of the love he so dearly craves. People can trigger his insecurity just by mentioning the word angry .