Getting Out of Jail


Lets assume you feel you are a prisoner of anxiety and have come to me for coaching. How would we proceed?

Isolating the Feeling

The first step is to isolate the feeling and spend some time exploring where it comes from and what its triggers are.

Isolating the feeling is usually pretty easy. We would differentiate it from other things going on in your mind. For example, we would try to see your thoughts about the feeling as separate from the feeling itself. We would determine where in your body the feeling seems to be ˜˜located. We would talk about what the feeling ˜˜feels like, using whatever words that come to mind for you. You might say it manifests itself as feeling like a pit in your stomach, or a tightness in your chest, or a mild headache . Perhaps you would simply describe it as a gnawing feeling of tension.

Feeling the feeling for a while would allow you to accept it for what it is. Oddly enough, when you experience anxiety, some part of you actually dislikes it so much that you dont really want to go with the feeling. Your brain wants to push it away, but it persists. This struggle to push it away is what must stop in order for you to fully embrace the feeling.

Indeed, the desire to get rid of the anxiety is what keeps it present. As trite as it soundsand I did think it was trite when I first heard it voiced on television by Sylvester Stallone˜˜what you resist, persists.

The idea is to locate the feeling in your consciousness and stay with it for a while. I would encourage you, even if it made you curl up and cry, to hold onto it. This alone would help you relieve the anxiety. The struggle for escaping it would be overridden by the willingness to own the anxiety.

Giving the Feeling a Voice

The second step is to give the feeling a voice. I would ask you to ˜˜be the feeling and speak to me. The odds are that you would provide some kind of intellectual answer, and I would have to ask you to stay with the feeling instead. I would seek from you a statement that contains ˜˜I feel, followed by an emotion or body sensation . For example, you might say, ˜˜I feel scared, or ˜˜I am sad, or ˜˜I am mad, or ˜˜I am empty. I would encourage you to tell me why.

If it sounds as if the feeling could be traced to earlier insecurity or frustration, we would pursue your memories of when you felt that insecurity or frustration in your past. We would explore the similarities between this occasion and that one.

This act of isolating the feeling and exploring its links to your history creates a kind of distance between you and the feeling. You become an observer of the feeling rather than one who is overwhelmed by it. This is very relieving .

Acknowledging the Feeling as Yours

The third step is to acknowledge that the feeling is a part of who you are. It is not something to be avoided like the plague. It is to be accepted and integrated into yourself.

At this point I might ask you to pretend that there is a youngster inside of you who is experiencing this feeling. I would encourage you to visualize putting your arm around that little boy or girl and telling him or her that you will handle the situation that has recently provoked the anxious response.

This accomplishes several things. It provides an anchor for the distancing effect; that is, with an image in your mind of the child, you, the observer of the child, are psychically removed. But you are also nurturing the child, providing the reassurance that he or she has craved all along. The image of placing your arm around the child also creates a context for a long- term relationship between you and the child. You are the adult who will deal with reality and the child is the one who will grow over time under your wing.




Face It. Recognizing and Conquering The Hidden Fear That Drives All Conflict At Work
Face It. Recognizing and Conquering The Hidden Fear That Drives All Conflict At Work
ISBN: 814408354
EAN: N/A
Year: 2002
Pages: 134

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