If You Work with a Controller

If you have to survive working for or around a controller, let the controller know how it makes you feel. Also, youve got to get the controller to trust you. Increase communication substantially. Manage expectations. Avoid their disappointment by keeping them fully informed. Give them choices. Get them to be much more specific when they delegate tasks . You have to learn to ˜˜manage up, as in convincing a controller that when it comes to you, they can loosen the reins a bit. This will be enhanced if you tell the controller your aim is to please at all times.

If you are seeking to help someone be less controlling, it may take several conversations. Get them to admit that they would like to control less. Ask for permission to point out when they are being controlling. Indicate at the right moment that apparently there is a view that control links to fear. Wonder aloud about exactly what their fear is. Get them to realize that there is a pattern in the situations in which they tend to dominate: In every case they seem to fear the same things. This will elevate their self-awareness . Try to differentiate the thing they are fearing (e.g., getting in trouble with their boss) and the fact that they have fear. Its the fear itself that needs to be ˜˜owned, not the fear of, or in this case, trouble with, the boss. Ownership is about recognizing that fearfulness is a part of their makeup .