AUTHOR S AFTERTHOUGHTS

AUTHOR'S AFTERTHOUGHTS

When I took piano lessons I was constantly annoyed by the requirement of playing scales over and over and over. When I gave my first large concert performance my fingers went in the right places even though my heart was pounding with stage fright.

When I went to New York City in September of 2001 I knew what my job was, even though my mind and heart were shattered by recent events. I had participated in many disaster drills, and in fact had been involved in a large multi-agency aviation disaster exercise when I was called on to go to NYC. When I arrived at my post my practice apparently paid off because I left the scene knowing that my humble contribution of services helped. Rehearsing, practicing and drilling in advance, preparing my own support team to be ready to take care of me when I returned, calling people at home daily, laughing when laughter was available, crying when crying was appropriate, carrying my self-care tools with me, remembering the policies and procedures of the work and the situation, and managing emotions from small to huge all helped me to do my job, and continues to make an ongoing contribution to my recovery. The unexpected is somehow less daunting when you rehearse for the unexpected. Sometimes it seems silly and pointless. Other times it is precious.

I am reminded of a story I read about British soldiers in POW camps during World War II. Apparently, they had a higher rate of survival than others because they continued to rehearse and drill even when incarcerated. They would arise at the proper time, make a formation, do calisthenics, and mime regular activities like eating , shaving, and drinking tea in elegant imaginary teacups in an effort to maintain a sense of order within the chaos. These soldiers were prepared and ready for whatever came up. When rescue came up, they were in better shape then their counterparts who had not drilled on a daily basis.

I am a strong advocate of improvisational music, therapy and life in general. My personal affirmations include gratitude for spontaneity and astonishment at the mysteries of life. I am also keenly aware that there is order in the universe and that disasters, catastrophes, terrorist events, traumas and even minor inconveniences disturb our order, and thus cause us to be in an altered state in our efforts to regain order. I tell my clients that it is not the fear or difficult emotions that are the problems in life, it is the desire to hire a moving truck and relocate your emotional furniture into the drama and stay there. I encourage people to feel their feelings fully and then move forward with their feelings as an active, energetic part of their full texture. Feelings are okay. And, we still have to get things done. There used to be a toy produced called Weebles (Hasbro, 1969). They were small people shapes that had a rounded base so that when a child pushed the toy it would wiggle but not tip over. The advertisement for the toy went something like, "Weebles, they wobble but they don't fall down!" I call real survivors "Weebles" when they can maintain some integrity with their own human emotional experience and get the job done.

The week of September 11, 2001, I was scheduled to participate in a multi-agency aviation disaster simulation emergency drill. Hundreds of people were involved. The leadership thought it might be appropriate to cancel the drill under the circumstances. Everyone involved stated something to the effect that, more than ever, we needed to drill. The emotional contexts of the participants were profound during the drill. Although we had all drilled many times before there was a new meaning to the practice. It was the first time that my teams really saw the need for post-drill debriefing, using my drill buddy systems plan, personal emotional support for one another, and really using the Emotional Continuity Management tools they had learned from me in countless, tedious trainings. It was the first time team members thanked me for pounding into their heads that, during a real event, they would have unexpected emotions. It was the first time a significant and powerful leader who had been a major obstacle to the addition of Emotional Continuity Management during disaster drills made a special effort to thank me for pre-training his employees . They knew what to do and called in the proper resources from within their own company.