Body Language

Some research estimates that up to 90 percent of a message comes from body language, which doesn t leave a lot left over for words. As someone who spends a lot of time teaching people to speak a foreign language, I find this is rather a depressing statistic. People spend all that time and effort to learn the grammar and vocabulary of another language when all they really need is to learn to read each other s facial expressions and gestures! Of course, it s not as simple as that. Try explaining how a car works or blood circulates using only body language, and you ll realize pretty quickly that words have an important part in the communication process.

Yet in face-to-face communication, words themselves give us only a part of the picture. When it comes to interpreting feelings and moods , body language is often a more reliable indicator. We have all heard people say one thing when the evidence of our senses, or our reading of the speaker s body language, tells us another story. I m so glad to see you spoken between clenched teeth conveys a different message to the words taken on their own.

Even relatively primitive machines like lie detectors can read body language, while dogs have been trained to recognize the infinitely small signals in their owners that precede an epileptic attack. As humans we recognize some common physical signals in people from other cultures, like a smile of happiness or an expression of rage.

Even so, there are significant differences in body language that are culture-dependent . For example, the amount of eye contact regarded as appropriate in different situations even in the same culture can vary enormously. Not meeting someone s eyes in a business meeting in the U.S. can mean you re hiding something, while on the subway a glance that lasts a fraction of a second too long at a fellow passenger can be interpreted as a challenge.

Touching is another area where there are wide cultural differences. In Latin American and much of Africa and the Middle East, for example, a friendly conversation between members of the same gender involves frequent physical contact in the form of a touch on the upper arm, a pat on the back, or an arm around the shoulders. The more physically reserved Japanese or British, however, will feel uncomfortable in this situation and may freeze with embarrassment.

It s not surprising, then, that when you re in a foreign culture you make mistakes by translating physical signs into your own native body language. And because we don t carry around the Dictionary of International Body Language (because it doesn t exist), we will probably unconsciously interpret the signals of people from other cultures according to our own standards. But this is risky, because most interpretations are made unconsciously and possible misinterpretations are harder to correct; for example, the customer who gets close enough to you to breathe in your face would probably be considered by a North American or North European as making some sort of sexual advance or threat. For a fellow Arab he is simply being friendly.

There are few other areas where so little (a glance, a smile, a shrug) can be misinterpreted so dramatically by so many. If there is any section in this book where the words Don t jump to conclusions are warranted, this is it.

LETTERS 90 “92

Learning to interpret another culture s physical signals is just as important as learning to interpret its language ”and it is just as easy to make mistakes.

Nodding Letter 90

FROM THE U.S. ABOUT TURKEY

I ve heard from U.S. American colleagues who have visited Turkey that it was very difficult for Turks to accept no for an answer. Can this be a language problem, or do you think it depends on cultural differences?

A misreading of a simple headshake can lie at the bottom of this confusion. Turks do not shake their heads from side to side to say no as Americans and most Europeans do. Instead, they usually toss their head backwards and raise their eyebrows at the same time. For Turks, the side-to-side headshake is a signal that someone doesn t understand something and requires further explanation. The head toss to mean no is also common in Greece and Bulgaria, and in Arab countries , where it might be accompanied by a click of the tongue.

Holding hands Letter 91

FROM GERMANY ABOUT THAILAND

I ve heard from some people who have visited Thailand that they ve often seen men wandering about hand in hand. This strikes me as very odd. I m going there soon and wouldn t know how to react if another man tried to hold my hand!

Isn t it strange how attitudes to physical contact are so very different depending on which country you re in? In Europe and North America, many people find same-sex couples holding hands strange or even offensive, but regard men and women holding hands as perfectly acceptable. In other lands, especially strictly Muslim countries like Saudi Arabia, Pakistan, and Indonesia, the reverse is true. All physical contact between the opposite sexes (even between husbands and wives) in public is taboo, whereas people of the same sex holding hands is regarded as a simple gesture of friendship.

But it isn t only in Thailand and in Muslim countries that patterns of physical contact differ from those of Northern Europe or North America. It s quite common, for example, in Peru and other Latin countries to see same-sex friends walking along and chatting arm-in-arm. But I wouldn t worry if I were you: if you re going on a short business trip you re not likely to get to know someone well enough for either hand-holding or arm-linking.

Eye contact Letter 92

FROM THE U.S. ABOUT JAPAN

I ll be going to Japan soon and have heard that it s rude to look someone directly in the eye. Is this really true? I don t want to be regarded as discourteous.

In the U.S. and in most parts of Europe, failure to make frequent eye contact on meeting, and indeed throughout a conversation, can be interpreted as showing you have something to hide and that you re shifty. In the U.S., directness is highly valued and a direct look is regarded as a reflection of honesty. In Greece, many Latin American, and Arab countries, speakers will maintain even more intensive eye contact while delivering a message, which to non-natives can appear intimidating. There, looking away can be interpreted as a sign of dislike.

In Japan, however, intense eye contact would be regarded as staring and could be interpreted as a lack of respect. Eye contact is avoided there much of the time, and the listener looks at the collar of the speaker and looks down when speaking. The same applies in Vietnam, although in another East Asian country, South Korea, direct eye contact is acceptable and is regarded as a sign of trustworthiness .

I heard a funny story from a man who attended a course on cross-cultural awareness during which he and his colleagues learned about the differences I ve described. Afterwards they went to an important meeting in Japan. There all the Americans who had been on the course gazed at their Japanese counterparts ties, while the Japanese, who had also been on a cross-cultural awareness course and learned about Western customs , gazed straight into the U.S. Americans eyes. It s getting to be a pretty small world!

LETTERS 93 “94

We don t usually intend to offend our cross-cultural partners . But if we do, we may have to learn some new gestures in order to do it!

Offensive gestures Letter 93

FROM FINLAND ABOUT MEXICO

In the 1990s I worked in Iran checking selected vehicles. Every time an Iranian technician checked something, I asked him in sign language if it was okay. The signal I used was the famous thumbs up. I later learned that the sign I was giving was obscene ”the equivalent to the famous raised middle finger! I m going to Mexico soon and want to know if there are signs there that I should avoid.

This area is very confusing. In Mexico you should avoid making a circle with your index finger and thumb. In Finland and most of Europe that means okay , but unfortunately in Mexico, Brazil, and Germany it is highly obscene. The thumbs-up sign is the correct way to show that all s well (although, as you found out, this is obscene in the Middle East). And on the subject of offensive signs, I ve mentioned elsewhere that the raised two fingers sign, with the palm of the hand facing inwards is highly obscene in the U.K., South Africa, and Russia, while pointing your finger at anyone is regarded as very rude throughout the Middle East and East Asia. If you want to beckon someone in these countries, keep your palm down and waggle your hand or fingers. You may think it would make sense in the face of all these conflicting standards to keep your hands in your pockets when you spoke to people, but unfortunately that is interpreted negatively just about everywhere.

Physical taboos Letter 94

FROM SPAIN ABOUT INDIA

What should I not do on my first visit to India? I ve heard there are numerous physical taboos and I m terrified I ll do something awful .

India is a country with a lot of experience with foreign business people, and I doubt you ll manage to shock anyone even if you do unwittingly break some rules. However, there are a few unwritten rules governing physical gestures and actions that you should observe. The left hand is regarded as unclean, so you shouldn t use it for eating or passing things. (This fact applies, by the way, to all Muslim countries too.) Indians don t appreciate physical contact with strangers, so backslapping and bear hugs are not recommended. It s particularly bad mannered to touch or point at anyone with your feet or sit with the soles of your shoes exposed; Indians, as well as people from as far away as Syria and Thailand, find this offensive.

Finally, both Muslims and Hindus frown on any physical contact between the sexes in public, so it s a good idea for a man to nod or bow on being introduced to an Indian woman instead of offering his hand.

LETTER 95

Not getting the response you expect can be a confusing experience.

No response Letter 95

FROM ARGENTINA ABOUT FINLAND

I m visiting Finland and feel I m getting nowhere with the Finns. I get no response when I make presentations and find it impossible to guess what they think. Are they the world s best poker players?

The Finns are not alone in being facially impassive or in having the sort of subtle body language that only fellow nationals can understand. This is true of Scandinavians as a whole, and the British are also experts at keeping a stiff upper lip when the situation arises. Many people find the Dutch hard to read, and the Japanese and Chinese regard it as a virtue to be able to hide their feelings. It s not that they don t use body language ” everyone does ”it s just not the table-banging, shoulder-shrugging sort. If you want to do business with these undemonstrative types, you will have to learn to observe how they communicate with each other and not to expect immediate or extravagant reactions to your ideas. You may find that they respond better to you if you tone down your own way of expressing yourself and keep things low-key and understated.

LETTER 96

How close we like to get to each other varies enormously. Even if you are expecting different standards, the first eyeball-to-eyeball meeting can be a shock.

Space bubble Letter 96

FROM THE U.K. ABOUT BRAZIL

On our recent first visit to Brazil our Brazilian counterparts were very friendly, but we noticed that when speaking they d come closer and closer and we British ended up backing away. The Brazilians saw this, and in the end we could all joke together about how they chased us round the office. I suppose we just had different ideas about what was appropriate body space.

Yes, that s right. When first visiting a country (and if your schedule permits ), it s time well spent if you can find somewhere to watch ordinary people meeting and greeting each other and conducting normal conversations. Then you can get an idea of the kinds of gestures they make, how loudly or quietly they speak to each other, and how expressive their faces are. It s just as important to observe what they make of your own body language. In your case it was lucky your Brazilian colleagues didn t interpret your need for more space as being standoffish. In many Western European countries and in North America we expect to stand a couple of feet apart when talking. In other countries, for example, in Latin America, North Africa, sub-Saharan Africa, and the Middle East, people stand extremely close and may keep in physical contact by touching hands, arms, or shoulders throughout the conversation. As you say, they re simply being friendly.

Other nationalities go to great lengths to avoid touching each other. In the U.K. and U.S. people signal that they might be on a collision course by saying Excuse me or Pardon me , and then if the worst happens and they actually touch a stranger or even an acquaintance (and assuming the earth does not open up and swallow them as a result), they apologize. The Swedes and Finns often don t say anything, but when faced with the problem of getting around a stranger in a confined space, they will adopt strange limbo-like poses to sidle around without making physical contact, while at the same time trying to pretend the person isn t there ”it s quite a feat! The Germans and South Koreans will also avoid eye contact, but they won t turn a hair if they bump into someone and wouldn t dream of apologizing. They didn t do it on purpose, after all.

IN A NUTSHELL: Body Language

GLOBAL BUSINESS STANDARDS

The closer the relationship, the closer people get physically (within their cultural parameters).

Don t touch any part of the body of the opposite sex (apart from a handshake, with the right hand, which is acceptable in most non-Muslim countries).

GLOBAL WARNINGS

Offensive and insulting gestures:

Most places: a raised middle finger.

Mexico, Brazil, and Germany : the finger and thumb forming an O .

The U.K., South Africa, and Russia: two fingers forming the V for Victory sign, but with the thumb facing inwards.

Australia and the Middle East: a raised thumb.

Argentina: People stand closer than in most Western European and North American cultures. People make regular physical contact when talking to each other. (See Letters 92 and 96.)
Australia: There is little physical contact between business acquaintances .
Austria: Smiling is not a must in business communication; it is reserved for friends. (See Letter 91.)
Belgium: See Austria.
Brazil: People stand closer than in most Western European and North American cultures. (See Letters 92, 93, and 96.)
Canada: Standing about an arm s length between two speakers is considered appropriate. (See Letters 91 and 96.)
China: Subtle, undemonstrative body language is the norm. There is little intentional body contact between strangers, but close friends, especially girls and women, often walk arm in arm. People don t show emotions freely in public. (See Letters 93 and 95.)
Denmark: Subtle, undemonstrative body language is the norm. (See Letter 95.)
Finland: Subtle, undemonstrative body language is the norm. Faces can remain almost impassive. (See Letters 91, 93, 95, and 96.)
France: Smiling is not a must in business communication; it is reserved for friends. Male and female friends may kiss each other on the cheek.
Germany: Smiling is not a must in business communication; it is reserved for friends. There is limited physical contact when people communicate. (See Letters 91, 93, and 96.)
Hong Kong: See China.
India: Touching between strangers (except for shaking hands) is not generally acceptable. The left hand is regarded as unclean. It is not accepted to touch anyone with your foot . A side-to-side head sway means yes . (See Letter 94.)
Indonesia: Don t touch people s heads, and don t touch people with your feet. It is not common to show emotions freely in public (See Letters 91, 93, and 94.)
Italy: Body language is demonstrative and hands play an important part. There is a lot of physical contact between speakers.
Japan: Subtle, undemonstrative body language is the norm. People stand farthest apart of all cultures and don t touch anyone anywhere at all if they can help it. The handshake is an exception. There is little direct eye contact. (See Letters 92, 93, and 95.)
Mexico: People stand closer than in the U.S., Canada, and Western European cultures. (See Letters 93 and 96.)
Netherlands: Subtle, undemonstrative body language is the norm. People leave a wide space between each other when they talk. (See Letters 95 and 96.)
Norway: There is little physical contact between people when communicating. People prefer undemonstrative body language. (See Letters 91 and 95.)
Poland: An older man may kiss a woman s hand when being introduced. Male friends may kiss each other on the cheek.
Russia: People stand much closer than is usual in the West. Greetings with friends can be quite physical, with vigorous handshakes, hugs, and kisses. (See Letter 93.)
Saudi Arabia: People stand closer than in Western European and North American cultures. There is a lot of physical contact between members of the same sex. Men holding hands is regarded as a sign of friendship. (See Letters 90, 91, 92, 94, and 96.)
South Africa: Men greet each other in quite physical ways, for example, strong handshakes and backslapping. Black South Africans, more reserved initially, will later become more physical, and hugs and long handshakes are signs of friendship. (See Letter93.)
South Korea: Staring or intense eye contact may be regarded as hostile or bad manners. (See Letters 92, 93, and 96.)
Spain: Lots of physical contact accompanies communication with people they know. (See Letter 94.)
Sweden: Undemonstrative body language and rather impassive faces are the norm. There is little physical contact during communication. (See Letters 91, 95, and 96.)
Switzerland: There is little physical contact between people when they are communicating. Undemonstrative body language is the norm. (See Letter 91.)
Taiwan: There is little intentional body contact between strangers and even between friends. (See China.)
Thailand: There is very limited physical contact between individuals. It is taboo to touch someone s head or to touch people with your feet. They don t show emotions freely in public. (See Letters 91 and 94.)
Turkey: People stand closer than in most Western European and North American cultures. To indicate no , people will usually toss their heads backwards, raising their eyebrows at the same time. The individual s comfort zone is smaller than in European countries. People of the same gender touch regularly. (See Letters 90 and 94.)
UK: There is relatively little physical contact in public. People don t show emotions freely in public. The V sign with the palm inward is an obscene sign. (See Letters 91, 93, 95, and 96.)
US: Americans stand eighteen to twenty-four inches apart when speaking. This is more than in the Middle East and Southern Europe but less than in Asia. For most North Americans, about an arm s length between two speakers is considered appropriate. (See Letters 91, 92, and 96.)
Venezuela: Constant eye contact, frequent touching, and lots of gestures commonly accompany communication. People are physically demonstrative. (See Letters 92 and 96.)