Effective Negotiators Avoid Irritators

It is fairly obvious what irritators are! Things that irritate your counterpart. They would include the following:

• unpleasant personal habits;

• an over-friendly or familiar approach when the relationship is not genuinely at that level;

• bad or inappropriate language;

• smoking - never light up unless your counterpart has;

• embarrassing others who make mistakes in the negotiation process;

• voicing personal opinions about others - they nearly always backfire;

• being greedy;

• adopting a triumphant manner;

• annoying phrases - particularly ones that appear patronising or smutty.

If you don't know whether you are guilty of any of these, ask a colleague whose judgement and motives you trust to point them out. An ancient proverb says, 'Faithful are the wounds of a friend.' In other words, better the marginal embarrassment of a friend's observation, rather than poor performance and potential alienation in the negotiation process.

One particular irritator is a consistent and apparently mean approach to negotiating - where you keep asking - in a long-term relationship. A good example would be if you had a restaurant that you and your family liked to use either regularly or from time to time. If you ask for a deal each time you go, you probably irritate some members of your family and you will irritate the proprietor because of your constant asking. It appears mean. Far better here to sit down with the proprietor and agree a long-term arrangement that leaves him or her motivated and gives you the deal you are looking for.

I made this mistake with my plumber. We have a fairly large home and the heating system needs urgent attention several times each year. Every time I used him he would give me excellent service - even mobile phone support out of hours - but it seemed to him that I would always haggle. In the end it irritated him and he lost the will to service me. I had made the mistake of gaining in the short term and losing out in the longer term.