The Bridging Moment

We can do ourselves and the long-term relationship a great deal of good if we can calmly take control, but in a manner that clearly has both parties' best interests at heart.

We achieve that by moving into the bridging moment, and we handle the deadlock with a phrase like this: 'Mr or Ms Counterpart, we have both put a lot of effort into this; let us have one more go before we admit defeat.' Or, 'There is real value in the time and effort that have gone in from both sides, so could we look at this one more time?' And then begin asking W questions again, open-ended questions.

Alternatively, we can use the bridging moment to agree positively on what we have determined to buy a little bit of time, then summarise where we feel the negotiation has moved forward positively. Write down the key points in summary form. Then use a bridging phrase like this: 'It seems we are both pleased with the points of agreement we have covered, but clearly we have an area here where there seems to be no possibility of progress today. Can I suggest that we agree another meeting, say in one week, when we have both had time to reflect creatively? How does that sound?'

Or you might suggest, 'It may help both of us if we break here and work informally on heads of agreement, and come back together informally next week. How does that sound?' Emphasising the informal context is often enough to get the process moving again. It takes the intensity out of the moment, gives time for reflection, and enables both parties to save face. It takes the high pressure of formal commitment out of the equation for now. Both parties are likely to be more relaxed, and that one thing alone may well save the moment.