Mirroring and Values


Reading back a person’s emotions to them—telling them what we hear them expressing—is called “mirroring,” and it’s used by hostage negotiators to establish rapport with the subject. It can be used in everyday negotiations as well.

Now look, in most business negotiations, you’re probably not going to be saying, “You sound a little sad.” Not that there’s anything wrong with doing that if the person really, truly, sounds very depressed—and you happen to have the phone number for the suicide prevention hotline on your cell phone. But realistically, that’s not what we’re talking about. The mirroring that goes on in most everyday negotiations involves the other side’s needs and wants—which is another way of thinking about emotions. What are a person’s values if not the things she or he feels strongly about?

Mirroring is an excellent way to clarify the needs and fine points in a negotiation. Mirroring also helps you gain more intelligence by refining your understanding of what’s being said to you. Repeating what someone is telling you shows that you’re listening.

But don’t go crazy, guys—don’t become the little echo that repeats everything the other person says that repeats everything the other person says that repeats everything the other person says . . .

Seriously, mirroring is a great way to keep the conversation and the negotiation moving forward.




Negotiate and Win. Proven Strategies from the NYPD's Top Hostage Negotiator
Negotiate and Win: Proven Strategies from the NYPDs Top Hostage Negotiator
ISBN: 0071737774
EAN: 2147483647
Year: 2003
Pages: 180

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