Say What?

Being macho means never asking for directions. Ever. For some reason, it’s like an admission not just of ignorance, but of impotence. As someone who travels a lot, I know the feeling very well. Just asking a question like “Where’s the restroom?” for some reason makes many guys feel like George Custer when Chief Sitting Bull and his five thousand Sioux warriors came up the hill.

On the other hand, it’s better than the alternative.

Some negotiators believe that asking questions is a sign of weakness. On the contrary, I think it’s a sign of strength. The most powerful question you can ask the other person is: What do you want?

Think about it.

If the negotiator can ask it, then he’s implying that he can fulfill that need. That takes power.

Now I may not, and I may not want to, fulfill all the needs of the other side. That’s not what the definition of a win-win solution is. But by asking, I’ve clarified the situation greatly. I’ve gotten the other side to tell me his or her main issues in the negotiations that will follow. If nothing else, we won’t spend a lot of time trying to figure out what those issues are.

Asking what exactly the other side wants can be especially important when dealing with complicated legal matters. Looking at a clause in a contract recently, one of my associates was baffled by the legalese. The clause seemed to take away all of the associate’s rights—and yet maybe not. The lawyers couldn’t figure it out either. Finally the negotiator went back to the other side and asked simply, “What are you trying to say here?”

The other side thought about it, then struck the clause.

Talk about your easy solutions . . .