The Nonhostage Mindset

Ninjas put on body armor when they go to work. Hostage negotiators put on a lot of the same gear when they have to get up close to the guy with the gun. Everyday negotiators do too. Even better, it’s a lot lighter than the Kevlar and not nearly as sweat-inducing.

Your body armor is your mindset. I’m not going to give you a formula; it’s yours. I hope my book has influenced you, but at the end of the day, your head is something I can’t get into, for physical reasons; you’ll have to monkey around in there yourself. But if it helps any, here’s my mindset, boiled down to a single sentence:

“Everything can be worked out, as long as we do it together.”

I must have said it a zillion times over the past ten years, both in negotiations and in classes. I truly believe it. I think that if I have a problem or, as it more usually goes, someone else has a problem, it can be worked out through negotiation. Talk to me; I’ll listen. We’ll work it out.

I don’t mean that I’m going to “win.” I mean that the problem is going to be resolved in a way that is both beneficial to me and to the person on the other side of the situation. It’s a positive mindset, no doubt. It may even be a little cocky, given what I do. But it’s also realistic. For me, I don’t “win” a negotiation by tallying chits or getting the macho rush. I succeed by reaching a reasonable goal.

Like I said, I hope after reading this book that your mindset will be somewhat similar. But only somewhat similar—negotiating is an art, as I’ve said, not a science. In order to succeed, a negotiator’s mindset has to reflect his or her personality. What I’ve outlined for you are a set of principles that are fairly flexible, I hope very simple, and most important, adaptable to different situations and a wide range of personalities. How you use them is your call.