Sexual Information Strategies


Success in the dating market comes not from mastering fashion or foreplay, but from managing information. Attracting a mate is like selling a used car: In both cases you want to play hard to get. Buying a used car is somewhat of a mystery. You can’t be completely sure of the car’s quality when you purchase it. The buyer has a lot more information about what’s under the hood than you do. Since in some situations it’s highly inappropriate to check under the hood before taking a drive, buyers must often rely upon signals to assess the car’s quality.

If a buyer was extremely eager to sell you his car, you should wonder why. The worse the car’s quality, the greater the buyer’s desire to sell it. If I offer to sell you my 1994 Honda Civic for $500, you won’t think I am offering you a great bargain. You’ll question what information I have about the car’s condition that causes me to be so desperate to part with it. What mechanical dysfunction am I hiding?

People should play hard to get in the dating market to avoid transmitting negative information. If you express an extreme desire to date someone, she may question why you can’t do better than her. If Debbie is an 8, and the best that I can do if she rejects me is to date a 4, then I would obviously be very eager to date her. The marginal value added I would receive from interacting with her would be high. But if Debbie ever finds this out, she would realize how much better she could do than to date me. The strategy I should adopt is to convince Debbie that while I normally date 9s, I would be willing to make an exception with her. Ideally, I want Debbie to think that I would barely consider dating her.

Of course, if Debbie is a 10, then none of this applies. Anyone would be eager to date a 10. Expressing intense interest in dating someone who could be on Baywatch signals that you’re normal, not desperate. Therefore, when going after supermodel types, feel free to honestly express your desires, but be coy when pursuing ordinary mortals.

Unfortunately, if you have a justifiably low opinion about yourself, the economics of dating might dictate that you not date anyone who is interested in you. If you don’t have any traits that a reasonably decent person would admire, you might want to avoid people who would consider becoming romantically involved with you. Yes, I realize this means a life of lonely desperation.

I have been told that single women sometimes pretend not to recognize available men whom they have previously met. This is a brilliant strategy, for it signals that they have so many options that they need not keep track of them all. Their feigned ignorance will impress not only the men they pretend not to know, but also people who find out about their deed. Obviously, the better-looking the men they pretend not to know, the higher opinion people will have of them.

Many people pursue someone, only to lose interest after the “capture.” This is often thought to be the result of some deep psychological flaw. We want something just because we can’t have it. Or worse, we don’t really want sex or romance, so we run away when these things become obtainable. However, it’s entirely rational to lose interest in someone who responds favorably to your advances. Your estimate of a potential mate should go down after you find out they like you. After all, this means they can’t do better than you. If they’re too eager to accept, then perhaps you should look elsewhere.

For some people (mostly women) romantic success is achieved more by dating someone who has a great personality than who is gorgeous. Let’s say you want to attract a person who does care more about personality than appearance. What would be better to do: take bodybuilding classes or go to therapy to work on your personality?

Is it more important for restaurants to have clean kitchens or clean bathrooms? Obviously, since the patrons see only the bathrooms, it is far more important that they be kept clean. Even if most of a restaurant’s customers would rather dine in a place with a clean kitchen than a clean bathroom, restaurant owners should still pay more attention to the cleanliness of their bathrooms because this is what is observable. Similarly, it is easier for others to judge our looks than personality. Beauty may be skin deep, but it transmits information far more quickly than personality does.

We are judged not just by our appearance, but also by the company we keep. Looks take milliseconds to evaluate. But how can you convince someone that you are a deep, caring, sensitive soul? The best way is to be completely superficial in your choice of mates. What would you think if you saw a strikingly beautiful woman dating a below-average-looking man? You would think that he must have some desirable hidden traits. Perhaps he is smart, sensitive, or even rich. Seeing him with a beautiful woman would increase your opinion of his deep unobservable characteristics. Now, what would you think if instead you saw this same man dating an average-looking woman with a terrific personality? Probably nothing, because you wouldn’t know she had a great personality. To convince others that you have a nice personality, you need to pick dates who have great observable traits. So if you want to trade up in the dating market, be superficial.




Game Theory at Work(c) How to Use Game Theory to Outthink and Outmaneuver Your Competition
Game Theory at Work(c) How to Use Game Theory to Outthink and Outmaneuver Your Competition
ISBN: N/A
EAN: N/A
Year: 2005
Pages: 260

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