The 5 Biggest Negotiating Mistakes

Terry Bragg, founder of Peacemakers Training in Salt Lake City and author of 31 Days to High Self-Esteem, says that there are five critical mistakes you can make during the process of negotiation:

1. Defend or attack. Try to understand any moves the other party makes. If they do something you don't understand, don't get defensive. Say, "That's one way we could do it. What other options do we have?" If you attack their ideas or motives, you lose your credibility. If someone attacks you, instead of defending yourself, say, "I'm sure you have good reasons for saying that. Can you help me understand them?"

2. Insult. Don't try to gain leverage by putting other people down. Getting angry or frustrated because things don't go your way doesn't help at all; it only gives the other person an advantage. Stay focused on your outcome—closing the deal.

3. Blame. If a problem arises, even if it's the other person's fault, don't place blame. The other person will only become defensive. Instead, concentrate on finding a workable solution.

4. Present lengthy justifications or arguments for your position. Present your most compelling arguments first. If they agree with you, move on. If they disagree, try to understand their objections before offering additional arguments.

5. Use poker tactics. Great negotiators do not use tricks or manipulation. Avoid bluffing or misleading the other person. Be honest and sincere.

   Negotiating in the classic diplomatic sense assumes all parties are more anxious to agree than to disagree.

   —Dean Acheson,
   U.S. statesman