1. Self-Awareness

Self-awareness is the single most important factor in getting along in your career and your life. It is your ability to understand why you do what you do.

When you are self-aware, you know and understand yourself, including your own reactions; because of that, you tend to make better choices. Without self-awareness, you tend to repeat old patterns, ignore your intuition, and miss the clues and signals you get from others about the impact of your actions and your words.

When you are self-aware, you recognize the connection between what you feel and what you think, do, and say. Self-awareness is the dot-to-dot of your life—to complete the puzzle, you must understand that your emotions and your behaviors are related.

Connecting the Dots

The dots you need to connect start with your own personal values (in addition to your skills and strengths). Since the term values is often used synonymously with needs, or wants, or priorities, let’s clarify the way the term is used here.

Things you want are things that you can do without; you may want a new car, but you can get along fine without it. You probably do not experience any behavioral changes if you do not get the things you want, but having them makes you happy.

Things you need are necessities. In addition to physiological needs (food, air, and water), we each have personal needs, perhaps to be loved, to be acknowledged, to be well regarded, or, as in Raj’s case, to control. When your needs are met, you are comfortable, and you are able to focus on your values. When your needs are not met, your behavior changes.

Things you value are events, activities, or preferences that you feel are significant, and that you have probably found interesting and fun throughout your entire lifetime. If your value is to create, you will be at your most energized and fulfilled when you are working in an environment that allows you to use your creativity. If your workplace does not honor your value to create, you may feel unfulfilled or bored, but it is unlikely that your behavior will change.

Raj chose to let his need overshadow his value. His need for control was so strong that when he received feedback, he forgot about the value he held in order to be an expert. His need was not met, and his behavior changed—that is, until he understood his needs and found methods to handle them outside of the workplace. Only then could he focus on his values.

What Is in Your Way? If there are situations in your career or your life that cause you to behave differently (to dig in your heels, get angry, hide, argue, or cry), take the time to complete this needs identification and elimination process for yourself. Use the Needs Worksheet (Exhibit 1-1) to identify, analyze, and manage your needs. Start by discovering what your needs are, then complete the Needs Analysis Form (Exhibit 1-2) for each need you have selected. Be honest with your needs identification, and be complete in your analysis of how your behavior changes when your need is not met.

Exhibit 1-1: Needs Identification List

Choose your top five needs from the following list, then go to the Needs Analysis Form (Exhibit 1-2) to identify how each affects your career and your life.

_____ Financial security	_____ To be safe
_____ Perfection	_____ To be saved
_____ Prosperity	_____ To be seen
_____ To accommodate	_____ To be self-reliant
_____ To achieve	_____ To be stable
_____ To affect others	_____ To be strong
_____ To be accepted	_____ To be taken care of
_____ To be accurate	_____ To be thanked
_____ To be acknowledged	_____ To be the center of attention
_____ To be appreciated	_____ To be understood
_____ To be approved	_____ To be useful
_____ To be autonomous	_____ To be valued
_____ To be busy	_____ To be well liked
_____ To be calm	_____ To be well regarded
_____ To be cared for	_____ To be worthy
_____ To be clear	_____ To communicate
_____ To be comfortable	_____ To control
_____ To be commanding	_____ To correct others
_____ To be deliberate	_____ To deliver results
_____ To be devoted	_____ To demonstrate authority
_____ To be encouraged	_____ To dominate
_____ To be heard	_____ To follow
_____ To be helped	_____ To get attention
_____ To be helpful	_____ To give
_____ To be honest	_____ To gossip
_____ To be important	_____ To have a cause
_____ To be included	_____ To have balance
_____ To be independent	_____ To improve others
_____ To be liked	_____ To influence others
_____ To be loved	_____ To lead
_____ To be loyal	_____ To please others
_____ To be needed	_____ To prove myself to others
_____ To be noticed	_____ To receive
_____ To be obeyed	_____ To receive compliments
_____ To be powerful	_____ To receive credit
_____ To be praised	_____ To receive loyalty
_____ To be respected	_____ To understand
_____ To be right	____________________
___________________	____________________
___________________	____________________

Exhibit 1-2: Needs Analysis Form

For each need selected from the Needs Identification List, complete the following worksheet.

Need # ___ _________________________________

1. I have noticed my need for this need in the following situations:
   ________________________________________________
   ________________________________________________
   ________________________________________________

2. When my need for this need is met, I feel
   ________________________________________________
   ________________________________________________
   ________________________________________________

3. When my need for this need is unmet, my behavior changes in the following ways:
   ________________________________________________
   ________________________________________________
   ________________________________________________

4. While I’m focusing on getting this need met, I am unable to focus on these important values, strengths, and growth opportunities:
   ________________________________________________
   ________________________________________________
   ________________________________________________

5. Why do I have this need? What “causes” it?
   ________________________________________________
   ________________________________________________
   ________________________________________________

6. What are the costs to me of not having this need met (financial, emotional creative, etc.)?
   ________________________________________________
   ________________________________________________
   ________________________________________________

7. What are the benefits to me (payoffs) of not having this need met(adrenaline rush, victim or martyr stuff, energy, ego, etc.)?
   ________________________________________________
   ________________________________________________
   ________________________________________________

8. What will having this need met allow me to do?
   ________________________________________________
   ________________________________________________
   ________________________________________________

9. What do I need to learn or in what way do I need to change or grow in order to get this need met? (List skills to learn, behaviors to shift, negative thoughts to eliminate.)
   ________________________________________________
   ________________________________________________
   ________________________________________________

10. Who can help me meet this need (friend, mentor, coach, therapist, minister)? What do I need from each of these people? (List name and assignment.)
    ________________________________________________
    ________________________________________________
    ________________________________________________

Now move on to the identification of your values, using the Values Worksheet (Exhibit 1-3). You will find that words will jump off the page at you—the start of values identification. Narrow your list down to five values, and for each, ask yourself,

• Where in my life are these values honored?

• What can I do to bring more of these values into my life and career?

Once you have identified your values, you will know what is important to you beyond your technical abilities. Once you have identified your needs, you will have a sense of the barriers you may experience in your workplace—or your personal life. This is the road to connecting the dots of self-awareness: discovering blind spots.

People who are self-aware know that they have weaknesses, and know that they may have difficulty seeing certain of their own weaknesses or limitations. If you believe that self-improvement is a good thing, then learning about how others perceive you is valuable.

Exhibit 1- 3: Values Worksheet

Choose your top 10 values from the following list (or add your own to the list). You are your values, so take your time in selecting those that truly fit. Be honest, and choose only actual values (not things you want or need).

_____ Adventure	_____ To feel good
_____ Danger	_____ To have fun
_____ Excellence	_____ To have impact
_____ Exhilaration	_____ To improve
_____ Family	_____ To influence
_____ Ingenuity	_____ To inform
_____ Originality	_____ To inspire
_____ The unknown	_____ To instruct
_____ Thrill	_____ To invent
_____ To accomplish	_____ To lead
_____ To assist	_____ To learn
_____ To attain	_____ To nurture
_____ To attract	_____ To perceive
_____ To be accepting	_____ To perfect
_____ To be aware	_____ To persuade
_____ To be connected	_____ To plan
_____ To be expert	_____ To provide
_____ To be part of the	_____ To relate community
_____ To be passionate	_____ To relate with a higher power
_____ To be sensitive	_____ To risk
_____ To be spiritual	_____ To rule
_____ To build	_____ To see
_____ To cause	_____ To sense
_____ To contribute	_____ To serve
_____ To create	_____ To set standards
_____ To design	_____ To show compassion
_____ To detect	_____ To strengthen
_____ To discover	_____ To support
_____ To distinguish	_____ To teach
_____ To educate	_____ To touch others
_____ To encourage	_____ To unite
_____ To energize	_____ To use imagination
_____ To enlighten	_____ To win
_____ To experience	_____ ______________
_____ To experiment	_____ ______________
_____ To feel	_____ ______________