If You Work with a Prisoner


If You Work with a Prisoner

The best thing you can do to support those who have fallen into an anxious response is to help them define what it is thats bothering them. Ask them to tell you their list of possibilities, all the things on their mind that could be contributing to the anxiety. They will probably give you five or six items and claim that none of them really stands out. But almost undoubtedly one of them contains the trigger.

The next logical question is, ˜˜Which of these things bugs you the most? Youll get an answer. Armed with that direction, you can ask what it is about that particular matter that bugs them the most.

Lets look at this in action. You work with a colleague, Bill, who seems to be down in the dumps. You ask why and he says, ˜˜I dont know, I guess its just the stress.

You ask him whether hed like to talk about it more to figure out exactly what it is. When he agrees, you ask for the list.

˜˜Well, Ive got to get the report to John in the next twenty-four hours and I havent even started it, he says. ˜˜And then theres the fact that Lucy wants me to change desks; like I have time to collect all my stuff. Oh, and my phone cord is bugging the heck out me with its stupid static. And then theres this customer complaint that I have to respond to I resent this being dumped on me.

˜˜Whats bugging you the most? you ask. After a pause, he comes back with, ˜˜Its the desk thing. I am sick and tired of being the nomad around here! Lucy treats me like dirt!

Youre in. The next thing for you to do is explore what meaning Bill has assigned to whatever communication he has received. Somebody said or wrote something that was interpreted by Bill as evidence that some belief he has is true. Perhaps the belief is that Lucy does not respect him. You could conclude that Bill interpreted Lucys asking him to move as more evidence of her disrespect. Of course, you know the cold facts contain none of the unspoken line of his thinking. Lucy asked Bill to move. Youve got to help Bill stick with the facts.

What you are looking for from Bill is some version of the exclamation ˜˜Bingo! Youll know it when you hear it. It is the sense of relief a prisoner experiences when they move from not knowing whats going on in their head to realizing what it is. That discovery alone will provide some relief.

A guideline for a next step, if one is called for, would be to encourage your friend to stick with the facts. It does not address the more fundamental question about the truth of the belief, but it may provide short- term relief. Alternatively, for final closure, you can encourage ongoing communication.




Face It. Recognizing and Conquering The Hidden Fear That Drives All Conflict At Work
Face It. Recognizing and Conquering The Hidden Fear That Drives All Conflict At Work
ISBN: 814408354
EAN: N/A
Year: 2002
Pages: 134

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