But It s True


˜˜But Its True!

You might be thinking, ˜˜Hold on here. Arent there legitimate reasons for why these unfortunate things occur? Cant a person explain what went wrong without being labeled a victim? My response is that we are not talking about the truth of the victims claims. We are talking about whether people hold themselves accountable for success. When people allow themselves to attribute blame away from themselves, they are less productive. By letting themselves off the hook, they justify not tackling problems that arise.

When a victim attempts something and runs into a problema trigger problem idiosyncratic to that victimshe will likely let herself off the hook with a ˜˜woe is me or ˜˜its not my fault. In this sense, truth gets in the way. It presents the reason for failure before failure occurs. With predicted failure comes a cloud of helplessness and resignation . But on the more hopeful side, with ownership of the mission come refreshed attempts to achieve.

I once did an adventure exercise in which I had to climb more than twenty feet up a pole to get to a platform. I made the first fifteen feet but then found myself quite frightened. The last five feet seemed incredibly treacherous. Complete resignation was the only thing on my mind. I was visualizing how I would explain my early failure in the program. It was clear in my mind how absolutely stupid it was to climb a pole to a platform. ˜˜What is this going to prove anyway! I was, as far as I was concerned , done. I could have just let go of the pole, relying on the safety harness to get me out of the mess I was in. After all, I thought, ˜˜This is stupid. I am not interested in this. This is just some jocks game for other jocks.

I was a victim. By organizing my thoughts for why I could not achieve the goal, I was giving in to them. However, the voices at the bottom of the pole were louder than the ones in my head. I made it over the top.

I have always been intrigued by the polarity of ˜˜no excuses allowed versus ˜˜be realistic. Victims, except perhaps when they over-generalize, can be very realistic. It is one advantage they have. Realistically, the service adviser taking care of my wife did have a problem that day. Jamie, the speechwriter, may have been appropriately influenced by Robert. I, not being an athletic kind of guy, may in fact have been sorely underprepared for the pole-climbing exercise. Shouldnt there be a role for realism ? Am I a victim for stating the facts?

The distinction is that victim thinking occurs when the difficulty or unfairness of reality is used as an escape clause. As a manager, I can handle people explaining what went wrong, particularly when they appear to sincerely regret the failure. And if they played a role in the failure itself, if they actually made a mistake, I like to hear them own it. What bothers me, and others, about victims is that they use their explanation of what went wrong to let themselves off the hook. What infuriates people about victims is the denial of culpability.

One problem victims face is that over time in a single environment their complaints become consistent. This confines them to unhappiness. Then not only do they incur the dislike of those around them but they also find themselves in a rut. They dont do anything about the problem because, of course, its not their fault. It is real, but it is not their problem.

It is the fault of things like the organization, management, the lack of team spirit, inadequate systems, constant change, flawed products and servicesanything. Again, the tendency to attribute the blame frees them of responsibility and the inclination to keep trying.




Face It. Recognizing and Conquering The Hidden Fear That Drives All Conflict At Work
Face It. Recognizing and Conquering The Hidden Fear That Drives All Conflict At Work
ISBN: 814408354
EAN: N/A
Year: 2002
Pages: 134

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