Who Is the Victim?

My wife was definitely a victim in this piece, but not the kind of victim we want to talk about in this chapter. Were more interested in victims like the service adviser. His job was, among other things, to please the customer. He did not. Rather than acknowledge his failure, he avoided the blame. ˜˜Its not my fault, he might as well have said. ˜˜How did I know Id be one mechanic short? What can I dodrag him out of his bed and make him work? How am I supposed to control the schedule when the unexpected happens? Im the victim here. Im not God, you know. I cant control what I cant control.

When we say someone is a victim, in the psychological sense, we are referring to that persons marked tendency to attribute problems externally. Rather than saying, ˜˜I failed to avoid this mess, victims say, ˜˜Responsibility for this mess cannot be attributed to me. Victims are adept at letting themselves off the proverbial hook. It doesnt help in business, where we are always stretching ourselves to achieve more and more, when a member of a team regularly lets himself off the hook for not coming through. Same thing at home.

The service adviser did indeed draw attention to how he was not to blame for the problem. He was using the busyness of his day to explain why he was not able to satisfy the customers desire to get her car back on time. He attributed the problem not to himself but to factors external to him. He felt he was being attacked and attempted to defend himself. His job was, among other things, to please the customer. He did not. Rather than acknowledging this, he avoided the blame.

Of course, we cant know what was going on in his head at the time. But lets speculate. He told my wife a time and the time elapsed. He didnt come through on his word. He knew that she was frustrated, and he knew he could have done something to speed things up for her, such as asking her if bypassing the road test or canceling the wash would be okay, but he didnt.