Emotions Are Good

Indeed, it is important not to infer that emotions are invalid or not useful because they come from meta-thoughts and meta-thoughts create things independently of the objects of the worldin the same way they create a sense of self.

I am thinking of a friend of mine who is a partner in a successful consulting organization. He is thinking of leaving the partnership. He has a rational line of thinking to support his decision. But he feels reluctant to do it because, regardless of his good reasons, he feels connected to his partners . A bond has been built, and just sloughing off that bond because he has good reasons to is not so easy for him.

Now, what help would the Transcendence Model offer my friend? It would say that his feeling of connection is an artificial construct. After all, there is nothing tangible about his sense of dedication. These are just feelings were talking about. But the model does not prescribe that this ghost called ˜˜feeling dedicated to and bonded with these partners should be ignored. Instead, the feeling must be honored and processed . Ultimately my friend chose to leave the partnership, but only after working through his feelings on the matter. His feelings alerted him to be thoughtful; as a result, though he did what his rational mind told him, his exit was executed compassionately.

Similarly, a prisoner of anxiety cant just say, ˜˜Well, this thing Im fretting over is just an illusion, an artificial construct, so I hereby let it go. It is not really possible to let it go. In fact, as we have said, the way to be free of angst is to move through it, not away from it.

Its also important not to assume that you must adopt the mission to process all the feelings you have simply because of some kind of moral ˜˜ought. You may conclude this, if you wish, and it would do you no harm. It might even be a good habit to start. But that is not the point. What we are considering together in this book is how to move past troublesome patterns in your emotional responses specifically the patterns inherent in the six types we have been discussing. The reason to process feelings comes from your desire to have better control of a problematic pattern in your thinking. Perhaps you are tired of the pattern. Maybe you have found yourself unable to think clearly when you are engaged by your pattern. Maybe you are unable to reach your personal goals because of your pattern. Processing feelings and patterns in your feelings is a matter of personal choice.

We have been talking, so far, about two tools you can use to gradually choose not to go with your programmed emotional responses.

1. One tool is recognizing how you are triggered . We explored that tool in the previous chapter by defining our operating strategies.

2. The other tool to help you deal with your patterns is addressing the emotional issues that pertain to the pattern.

There are two aspects to this second tool: (1) your general emotional outlook, and (2) the emotional consequences once your patterned response has been evoked. You can use the latter to explore the former. For example, you can explore your tendency to control, and the feelings you have as you attempt to gain control, as a means of locating the antecedent fear that drives the need for control.

Both of these toolsknowing your trigger-response pattern and knowing the emotions that precede and follow from the patternwill help you enhance your awareness significantly. In turn , your enhanced awareness will allow you, over time, to preempt getting hooked in the first place. When you can catch yourself before getting hooked and actually make choices on the spot that ultimately allow you to bypass getting hooked, then you have made great progress.

But for mastery over your emotional responses, you need more than just awareness of what triggers you, and the emotions you experience. You also need to process your feelings effectively. You have to feel some of the emotion you are attempting to eradicate. You eradicate it by making friends with it. This is where we must now turn our attention.